so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing
and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know
but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno
except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer
a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“yeah,” i say.
there’s some mutually-confused silence.
“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.
i’m just a big fan of the tone in which the ending was told
Pointing to what I want on my five dollar footlong
Fun story I had a customer come in at my college subway location at about 2am on a saturday, it was a 20 something year old student high as balls (naturally). This kid wasn’t just high, he was off his ass, he was higher than snoop on April 20th, his eyes were clamshells. I asked him what he wanted and I could see the gears turning in his head but he absolutely couldn’t get anything out. This guy was too high to talk, and I’m surprised he even made it down the street to our store. Obviously I’ve been here before so no problem, I tell the dude I’ve got this and to just point at what he wants, and he commences to just go down the line pointing at the bread and meats and veggies like this damn reaper, leading me on the biggest game of hot and cold I’ve ever played. In the end his sandwich racked up like 15 dollars in extra charges but I think we gave it to him for free. There is no moral to this story.
OK STORY TIME I WAS BABYSITTING THIS 6 YEAR OLD BOY AND WE ATE POPSICLES, THIS WAS THE JOKE ON MINE AND I TOLD IT TO HIM, BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH JOKES AND SO LIKE A DAY LATER I GET THIS CALL FROM HIS MOM AND SHE SAYS “My son told me an inappropriate joke today, and he told me he got it from you” AND I WAS SUPER CONFUSED??? SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE JOKE WAS AND APPARENTLY HE SAID “how do skeletons communicate? They bone each other” I AM SO DONE
saying things to children is like playing the world’s riskiest game of telephone
Back in elementary school in one of my friends classes there was this computer with an educational mario game on it like mario chess and stuff. He would talk to you as you play but if you walked away for awhile he would say something while idling.
Once they were doing little presentations and one kid was up there dead silent like nearly shaking because they were so nervous. Not a single person talking.
All of a sudden you hear from the back marios voice yell out “Whats-a takin you so long!”. The kid starts crying and runs outta the room
Flamingsalyut Safehaven 