jturn:

30-minute-memes:

That was a wild ride

I slam both the shots. I snort the coke. Yelling, I pull one condom over my head and the other two over my hands so I look like a seal. I use my flippers to steal all of the cheese. “I’m cheese goblin from the sea” I say. You’ve been smoking the weed and the second hand car we’re in is hotboxed, but I’m immune thanks to my clever rubber hat. You collapse with lust and I steal your wallet. A week later, you’re in a restaurant in Venice. You bill arrives and looking across the restaurant, you see me. Is it me? It couldn’t be. But sure enough I take your card out of your stolen wallet and pay for my red wine, which has lemonade in it.